Dr Akilah – Celestial Healing Wellness Center

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Tag Archives: love

Love Study: Brain Reacts To Heartbreak Same As Physical Pain

Love hurts, and that is not just a saying for the broken hearted. Heartbreak is a very strange distress. It is exquisitely painful, and yet we cannot find an injury on our body. New research finds that when you reminisce about the one that got away, the brain actually triggers sensations that you also feel in times of “real” physical pain, making heartbreak truly, physically painful to add to the emotional distress it sometimes causes.

Heartbreak is like one big emotional pain but it also seems to spark off hundreds of other emotions. We hate the feeling of heartbreak, and yet we find ourselves compelled to go over and over memories, ideas or fantasies which make the feeling worse.

Edward E. Smith, director of cognitive neuroscience at Columbia University explains:

“This tells us how serious rejection can be sometimes. When people are saying ‘I really feel in pain about this breakup,’ you don’t want to trivialize it and dismiss it by saying ‘It’s all in your mind.’ Our ultimate goal is to see what kind of therapeutic approach might be useful in relieving the pain of rejection. From everyday experience, rejection seems to be one of the most painful things we experience. It seems the feelings of rejection can be sustained even longer than being angry.”

Forty people analyzed from New York City and all of whom felt “intensely rejected,” took part in the study. While participants were told to look at photos, including photos of their friends (they were directed to think positive thoughts about them), and photos of their exes (they were directed to think about their breakup), their brains were scanned for changes in activity. The participants also underwent brain scans as they felt pain on their forearms similar to the feeling of holding a hot cup of coffee in comparison. Several of the same areas of the brain became active when the participants felt either physical pain or emotional pain.

The research shows that rejection appears to be in a class by itself in terms of its similarity to physical pain. Future research could examine how emotional pain due to rejection affects how people feel physical pain.

Here are some tips that may help you get over the pain:

  • Breathe. All you can do is survive this first and difficult day. Take one day at a time. Give yourself permission to mourn. Call in sick at work, sleep all day, eat too much ice cream, sob.
  • Congratulate yourself for being human: It is only when you open yourself to love that your heart can break. Develop and repeat a helpful mantra to get you through the initial shock and pain, such as “This too shall pass” or “I will survive.”
  • Reach out to a close friend or family member. It helps to share your thoughts with others. Watch a movie to distract yourself. Choose a comedy that has cheered you up in the past. Or watch a movie that’s guaranteed to make you sob–it may surprise you how good that feels.
  • Surround yourself with friends. This may mean reaching out to people you fell out of touch with during the relationship. Make lists to help you regain your confidence and identity: a list of your friends, of things you like, of what you want to accomplish in the next decade. Spoil yourself: Get a new hairstyle, have a spa day or go shopping. Resist the urge to call your ex.
  • Assess the experience. Have you learned anything about yourself? Does the experience make you more empathetic to others who’ve suffered a hardship? Begin an activity that will fill your time, distract your mind and rebuild your confidence. Train for a marathon, take up yoga or learn a new language. Resist the urge to call your ex. Volunteer your time at a local homeless shelter, soup kitchen or tutoring center. It will take your mind off your own woes and keep your suffering in perspective.
  • Force yourself to go on dates. You’ll be surprised to discover that your heart can still flutter over someone. It’s part of the healing process.
  • Consult a psychiatrist if you are experiencing symptoms of depression, such as lack of appetite, insomnia or too much sleeping, low self-esteem, and an inability to concentrate or carry out routine tasks. Ask a friend or physician to recommend one who is experienced in treating depression.
  • Remember that healing is a process that takes time. Expect waves of sadness, anger, guilt or fear even after you think you are over it. Give your heart time to heal.
  • Compartmentalize the experience in your memory: “My heart was broken once. It really hurt and I’m glad it’s over.”

As one popular quote goes, “Love is like falling down… in the end you’re left hurt, scarred, and with a memory of it forever.”

www.healingpowerhour.com

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Live Longer with Love in Your Life

By Dr. Maoshing Ni

Love is the most powerful emotion you will ever experience, and studies show that while you are feeling it, endorphins and immune cells are produced in great number, boosting your health and longevity. For Valentine’s Day, share love and health with the special people in your life and lengthen your years.

1. Love = a Healthy Heart

Many studies have shown that relationships play a role in heart health. A study from the University of Texas Research, conducted with rabbits, found that love can reduce plaque buildup in your arteries, helping reduce overall risk of heart attack. In this study, rabbits were fed an artery-blocking diet, and some of the rabbits received love and affection while the others received none. The surprising results revealed that the rabbits given tender loving care had 60% less plaque buildup than their counterparts.

2. Get an Immune Boost with Love

Love in your life might just save you from the flu. One study showed that a five-minute episode of feeling genuine care or compassion enhanced the whole immune system, causing a gradual climb in secretory immunoglobulin A (IgA), your body’s natural antibody against colds, flu, and other invading germs. Even watching movies about love or altruism, petting a fluffy animal pal, and practicing selfless service for others has been shown to increase levels of IgA.

3. Keep in Touch with Your Loved Ones

Human touch, long recognized as a powerful healing technique, increases your body’s production of endorphins, growth hormone, and DHEA, all of which lengthen your life span and lower the negative impact of stress. In fact, studies have found that unconscious patients who are regularly touched recover faster than those who are not touched. Researchers have also observed that orphaned babies stop growing and even die from the lack of touch and love. So hug, cuddle, and massage your loved ones to live longer.


4. Connect with Friends to Increase Your Lifespan

Humans have depended on one another for survival since time immemorial, and indeed, many studies have found that even today, people rich in social and community support are more likely to live longer than those with weak social connections. Even people with unhealthy lifestyles tend to live longer than people lacking in social and community support. According to a study recently put out by Brigham Young University, spending time with friends has an extremely positive effect on health and can cut your risk of an early death in half. Julianne Holt-Lunstad, the research team’s head said that lacking in social relationships “was equivalent to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.” If you find yourself spending most of your time alone, reach out.

Offer to babysit for family members or join groups of people who share similar interests and gather together in person. Feel your presence in the world and make it felt by others.

5. Prescription for Longevity: A Happy Marriage

Research has confirmed that happily married couples live, on average, four years longer than single people. According to one study, nearly 100 percent of male centenarians are married or have only recently been widowed. Psychologists attribute the increased life span to the sense of interconnectedness with another human being. Studies have indicated that a happy marriage improves your mood, positively affects your dietary decisions, and leads to a larger social network of friends — three major factors of longevity. People in a marriage also tend to take better care of each other; and feeling that someone would care for you in times of illness appears to increase the sense of security about the future, cutting back on stress.

Studies suggest that the longer a marriage lasts, the greater the rewards. These days, there are many forms of spouse-like relationships that may benefit in similar ways. But not all relationships positively affect our health. Other research has found that marriage problems may increase risk for heart disease by 34% and tend to result in a lower survival rate in women with breast cancer.

Bonus tip: If you have recently ended a relationship, you can strengthen your spirit with affirmations and invocations.

6. Healthy Loving Lengthens Your Life Span

Healthy sex, nature’s fountain of youth, raises your levels of endorphins, DHEA, and growth hormone, which increase longevity. At the same time, sex lowers levels of the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol, which decrease your life span. A Duke University study showed that women who were happy with their sex lives could live up to eight years longer compared with women who were indifferent to their sex lives. While healthy loving adds years to your life, it also takes years off your face, making you actually look younger. Studies show that people who are highly satisfied with their sex life looked 4 to 7 years younger than their peers. This results from reduced stress, greater happiness, and better sleep. So before you invest in a costly makeover, try improving your sex life.

If love equals health, how to manifest love? Begin by loving yourself. For your relationships, share your time, energy, and self with your loved ones. Look for ways to give back and make them happy. For instance, you might cook a meal or do the dishes as a pleasant surprise. Or you might send them a card, listing their many special qualities. It does not need to be elaborate or expensive, but it should show that you care and appreciate them. As you give freely of your love, you will receive meaningful love in return.

www.healingpowerhour.com

Take Our Quiz: Are you happy?

Take our quiz to find out how happy you really are with your life

How happy Are You?

The importance of being happy

“Happiness” is one of the main goals we set for ourselves. And for good reason! Not only does having a sense of joy and purpose enrich us emotionally, it also has a huge impact on our physical health, our ability to be productive and even how long we’ll live.

Our happiness quiz looks at what experts agree are areas of your life that are strongly linked to your sense of joy; they include relationships, spirituality and resilience.

For each question, choose an answer that best reflects your current attitudes or thoughts.

What are the keys to happiness?

Research into the traits, attitudes and lifestyle choices most associated with emotional and psychological health. Scientists identify five key compon­ents to the “happiness” equation:

1. Resilience to life’s challenges.

2. A healthy, active social life.

3. The ability to prevent or manage depression.

4. Embracing some form of spirituality or higher purpose.

5. Skill at defusing everyday stressors.

While being in an ongoing relationship isn’t one of the five variables, experts have proven that successful couples tend to be happier overall, in large part because loving companionship greatly helps each partner succeed in the five areas above.

Romance and love: Part 1

Answer the following if you are in a relationship:

1a.  If our relationship were an object, it would be:
a. A chili pepper—spicy, lively, intense.
b. A quilt—warm, comforting.
c. A railway—fast-moving trains by day; side by side, deep in sleep at night.
d. A video game—push the button, a new battle starts.

2a. My partner and I could happily be stranded on a deserted island for:
a. Years—we really do enjoy each other’s company that much.
b. Weeks—we do love each other’s company, but in a short time we’d crave the other parts of our lives.
c. Days—just long enough to have some laughs and have a few good talks.
d. Hours—any longer and we’d be at each other’s throats.

3a. We have our own secret touches and phrases, and we use them:
a. Every day, sometimes even in public. 
b. Occasionally, and always in private.
c. Rarely—we did that stuff only at the beginning of our relationship.
d. Never—and never will.

4a. When I talk to good friends about my significant other, I am:
a. Enthusiastic, loving and supportive.
b. Kind, generous, occasionally teasing.
c. Rational and dispassionately descriptive.
d. Surprisingly critical and uncomplimentary.

5a. If I find myself attracted to another person, I would likely:

a. Shut it right down—my current relationship is the one!
b. Not take action, other than perhaps a brief fantasy about what might have occurred.
c. Flirt. It’s harmless, isn’t it?
d. Secretly pursue the relationship, wherever it goes.

Romance and love: Part 2

Answer these questions of you are not in a relationship:

1b. Love is:
a. A beautiful, natural, enriching part of life.
b. An oversimplified notion, but something to strive for.
c. A fairy tale concept that, on rare occasion, can happen.
d. A cruel hoax.

2b. If I need someone to talk with
:

a. I have plenty of friends or family members I can call in an instant.
b. I have a few friends in whom I can confide if I feel I really need it.
c. I think [fill in the blank] might be open to it, if I asked…
d. Open up to someone? It’s just not me.

3b. Past relationships that failed have taught me that:
a. I always emerge wiser and better-prepared for the next one.
b. Life is an unpredictable journey that takes you into all kinds of interesting situations.
c. I should date less, trust less and pre-screen more.
d. Most guys are creeps, and those who aren’t are already taken.

4b. My social life is:
a. Absolutely great! I love my friends, and I love my time off.
b. Mostly active and interesting, though somewhat predictable.
c. Slow. I get out some, but more often than not, the TV is on.
d. Blank. My couch is my best friend.

5b. If I’m home alone on a Saturday evening, I’ll be:

a. Thrilled at the prospect of relaxing and doing exactly what I want.
b. Fine with it. Just another ordinary evening.
c. Stir-crazy somewhere around 10 p.m.
d. Completely, thoroughly bummed out and frustrated with myself.

Spirituality and joy: Part 3

6. I feel that I have within me:
a. The power to really improve the world.
b. A general desire to do good things for those around me.
c. A good moral compass, but no great need to touch the world.
d. Zero desire to affect the world. Come on, it’s six billion people!

7. I would rate my spiritual life as:
a. Thoroughly fulfilling. I have strong spirit­ual beliefs that benefit me every day.
b. Passive but good. I have my beliefs, but they don’t play into my day-to-day life.
c. Wanting. I want more purpose to my life; I want to believe in something bigger.
d. Absent. I don’t believe in that stuff; I trust my brain to guide me.

8. I consider my work to be:

a. A wonderful gift that lets me do what I love every day.
b. A reasonable and fair arrangement that, most days, is enjoyable.
c. A duty I need to fulfill in order to enjoy the other parts of my life.
d. A form of torture I endure for the money.

9. The last time I had a pleasant, non-work conversation of more than 10 minutes was:
a. Today or yesterday.
b. Three to seven days ago.
c. Last week.
d. More than two weeks ago.

10. In a typical day, I laugh:

a. All the time. I easily find the light side of things, even in dark times.
b. Once every few hours. Life is busy, but I can lighten up easily enough.
c. Rarely. It takes something really funny to crack my demeanour.
d. Pretty much never. The way things are, what’s to laugh at?

Resilience: Part 4

11. I typically feel:
a. Well rested, happy and ready to get going.
b. I have a lot to do today. Take a deep breath, and let’s go!
c. I wish it were Saturday. Please let it be Saturday. Damn.
d. I’d do anything not to have to get up and go through another typical day.

12. When I go to sleep at night, I feel:
a. Proud and satisfied with what I did today.
b. Grateful that the work and activities are done for the day.
c. Drained and spent—emotionally, physically, spiritually.
d. Angry at the world, angry at myself.

13. If I took a poll among my friends or co-workers, they would rate my attitude as:

a. Happy, engaged, optimistic.
b. Stable, even-keeled, in control.
c. Worried, frustrated, pessimistic.
d. Angry, defeated, overwhelmed.

14. When something really wonderful happens, I think:
a. I absolutely deserve this, and there’s more to come.
b. I’ll enjoy it now, knowing that it might not happen again.
c. It only took, what, how many years?
d. From here, it’s straight downhill.

15. If a new job didn’t work out well, I would think:
a. Their loss! I’m great at what I do and someone else will benefit.
b. I’m disappointed, but I’m sure I’ll find something else.
c. This is really bad. How will I ever find another job?
d. I’m a failure.

Everyday stress: Part 5

16. If a stranger did something really rude to me, I would:
a. Brush it off; life’s too short to let strangers affect you.
b. Get a little perturbed, but an hour later I’d have moved on.
c. Get very perturbed, and still be talking about it tonight.
d. Tear into him or her; no one is rude to me and gets away with it!

17. If I do something embarrassing in public, I:

a. Laugh it off, maybe even make a joke. We all do silly things at times.
b. Get a little embarrassed, but recover quickly enough and move on.
c. Turn five shades of red, and quickly try to escape the scene.
d. End up in tears, thinking how foolish I am.

18. When I’m feeling really stressed, I:
a. Turn to prayer, meditation, music or relaxation to calm me.
b. Talk it out and learn to cope with it.
c. Get upset and need help to calm down.
d. Get angry and hurtful, to myself and to others.

19. I get angry:
a. Almost never. Life’s too short to waste on such negative energy.
b. Maybe once a week. It takes a serious provocation to get me started.
c. Often. There’s a lot of stupidity out there.
d. Regularly. I fall into anger naturally; it’s part of who I am.

20. I’m suddenly in a situation I really fear. My reaction is:
a. Take a deep breath and deal with it; here’s a chance to beat this fear.
b. I’ve got no choice but to get through this; it’ll be over soon.
c. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. Hey, it’s over!
d. Run! Hide! Weep!

Scroll down the page to find out your score…………………………..

Scoring:

Give yourself 5 points for each (a) answer; 4 points for each (b) answer; 3 points for each (c) answer; and 1 point for each (d) answer. Now add up your scores; the lowest possible score is 20; the highest is 100. Here’s how to rate your score:

81-100: Congratulations!
In the areas that experts say matter most, you have got life well under control and have the key elements required for a real, deep sense of happiness.


61-80: You’re doing well,
but there are some areas in your life that are hurting your emotional well-being. Look where you answered (c) or (d), and ask yourself, is this approach really serving me?

41-60: At best, you are coping with life. At worst, you could be burned out, depressed or angry. The first step is to acknowledge that your emotional health is not good. The second step is to get help. Breaking through tough times is easier with guidance.

20-40: With numbers like these, you’re not merely having a tough time. Seek professional help. You deserve to get happiness into your life; it’s what our natural state should be.

How to Forgive Someone and Yourself

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When you are learning how to forgive someone or how to forgive yourself, it is helpful to have a road map to follow. There are many paths that lead to forgiveness. These Steps to Forgiveness is one path that you can use to reach your forgiveness goals.

While we may think that forgiving others is something we do for “them” (i.e. the people that we are forgiving), we are actually the ones who receive the greatest benefit. How? Forgiveness sets us free as it allows us to release harbored energy, emotions and thoughts that do not serve us.

Understanding the importance of forgiveness and the benefits of forgiveness can help us to better comprehend why practicing forgiveness is well worth our time. This knowledge can also provide us the motivation that we may need in order to give ourselves the gift of forgiveness.

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When to Forgive?

How do we know when we have some forgiving to do? When difficult emotions get triggered within us as we think about a person or situation, it’s likely that we have some forgiveness work to do.

Also, when we are feeling blocked in our life, forgiveness can help to clear the suppressed energy that may be weighing us down and holding them back from living the life that we truly desire.

Forgiveness work can help us to break thru stagnant energy and support us in moving forward with our goals and desires.

As Author and Spiritual Teacher, Louise Hay Says….

“I know that when we are stuck, it usually means there is some more forgiving to be done. When we do not flow freely with life in the present moment, it usually means we are holding on to a past moment. It can be regret, sadness, hurt, fear, or guilt, blame anger, resentment, and sometimes even the desire for revenge. Each one of these states comes from a space of unforgiveness, a refusal to let go and come into the present moment.”

These forgiveness exercises can help us to release difficult emotions and can be instrumental in helping us learn how to forgive someone (including ourselves).

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Giving Forgiveness on a Regular Basis

A key element in learning how to forgive someone is to create a regular forgiveness practice. This is a great way to keep your energy up and will help you to stay healthy and happy.

In Chakra Clearing, author Doreen Virtue writes, “Just as you probably wash your face every night, it’s also important to cleanse your consciousness nightly so resentment won’t accumulate.”

Doreen recommends doing nightly releasements where you review your day mentally prior to falling asleep. Ask yourself if there is anyone from your day that you need to forgive (including yourself and if you have pets, include them as needed) and if there is, take a few moments to do a forgiveness exercise.

Or, you may want to keep it really simple by saying a forgiveness affirmation. A nice affirmation that Doreen recommends is, “I forgive you and I release you. I hold no unforgiveness back. My forgiveness for you is total. I am free and you are free.” You can use this or create your own positive affirmation statement.

Saying the forgiveness affirmation may be all you do. Or, you could take it a step further and after you say the affirmation, visualize and feel the forgiveness occurring inside of you. This is very powerful!

Then, if it feels right, ask God/Spirit to assist you in making this forgiveness complete. Give thanks, allowing the sensation of gratitude to fill your heart. Then, imagine sending this gratitude to the person or pet whom you have just forgiven.

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As you become accustomed to giving forgiveness, you may even find yourself practicing forgiveness throughout the day, clearing situations as they happen, or soon after when you have a few minutes to go within to forgive and release the energy of the situation.

The idea is to simply begin to incorporate the practice of forgiveness into your life on a more regular basis. Doing so, will help you to experience the benefits of forgiveness on an ongoing basis.

Whether you choose to practice forgiveness daily or weekly, you can start your forgiveness practice now, by implementing these steps to forgiveness. The five steps will assist you in learning how to forgive someone who has hurt you and how to forgive yourself, when needed.

Who knows, you may even inspire others to learn how to forgive someone who has hurt them. What a wonderful gift that would be!

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www.healingpowerhour.com