Dr Akilah – Celestial Healing Wellness Center

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How To Stop Punishing Yourself For The Past

How often do we overlook the above aphorism as we repeatedly revisit past mistakes, injuries, and confrontations?  There are times I lie sleepless and recall arguments I had with college sweethearts, high school teachers, and even the grade school bully.  What do I get for my trouble?  Sometimes I experience that all-too-familiar wave of panic, other times an uneasy stomach or a rapidly beating heart; that feeling is almost always accompanied by guilt, resentment, or both.  The experience never benefits me and I’ve reached the point in my life where I need to stop it.

The Problem of Repunishment

We’ve been conditioned from birth to retain our flaws and mistakes in two ways: by example and through confrontation.  The first form of conditioning is by example; we see and hear our parents do it every day.  Your dad forgets to take the trash out after dinner; your mom gets angry and calls him on it.  But instead of saying: “Dear, your forgot the trash”, she says: “You forgot the trash again!  You NEVER remember to take it out!” Now your dad doesn’t deal with the current situation, rather he relives every time he forgot.  He feels guilt and frustration well up, he becomes defensive, and the argument begins.  The second form of conditioning is more direct; someone will be displeased and say: “How many times do I have to tell you…” Then we relive each of our past mistakes and feel the guilt, the pain, and the frustration.

By the time we’re in high school (if not long before), we’ve become so conditioned that we put ourselves through the ringer.  We don’t need anyone else to do it to us; we start repunishing ourselves.  You run late for work after school, again.  Instead of focusing on today’s tardiness, you relive each time you have been late.  The panic and guilt start to build, and build, and build as you revisit each transgression.  When you finally get to work you have rehashed every time you have been late to work, and you re-experience all of the negative energy from each time.

The worst part of the situation, however, is that we don’t let anything go.  We retain all of this emotional poison and add the new stuff.  Then, the NEXT time something happens, we get to revisit it all AGAIN.  And the cycle continues, because we have great memories and consciences.  We make a mistake, we judge ourselves, we find our selves guilty, and we punish ourselves.  No wonder we go through our lives feeling defensive, guilty, and uncertain.

Taking Control Of Our Lives

However, we can take control of our lives and stop this painful cycle.  The process isn’t difficult, but it will be unsettling at first and require some adjustment.  We experience this discomfort as we rebel against what we’ve learned and become accustomed to our entire lives.  The more ingrained our solution becomes, however, the more comfort it provides as we adapt to the new standard.  I’ve outlined below the process I have been using to stop this self punishment.

1. Acknowledge and own the mistake. This not only calms us but gives us some power over the situation.  If something “isn’t our fault”, then how can we take action to correct the situation?  We can’t.  By accepting responsibility for a situation, we make ourselves “response able” (thanks to Steven Covey for this phrase).

2. Identify the mistake. Analyze the situation and see just exactly what caused the undesired outcome.  It could have been a simple typo, it could have been procrastination, it could have been a misunderstanding, it could have been an omission, etc.  Whatever the source of the problem, we need to identify it as clearly and completely as possible.

3. Correct the problem. Implement a new system to avoid omissions, determine where our scheduling technique broke down, etc.  Make sure that, to the best of our ability, that we have implemented a solution that should prevent the same (or a very similar) mistake from recurring.  Be proud of this accomplishment – it enables us to let go of our disappointment, guilt, frustration, fear, anger, etc.

4. Move on. Obviously this is harder than it sounds.  However, our preparation above has led us to a position where we can honestly tell ourselves that we know what happened, we don’t like what happened, and we have fixed the problem that led to it occurring.  By taking both responsibility and action, we create a powerful combination that allows us, with a bit of discipline, to live in the present and not rehash the past.

Final Thoughts

If we find ourselves trying to rehash a past mistake, it is important to STOP.  Observe what we are doing, identify the problem triggering this response, and remind ourselves of the solution we implemented to stop that problem from repeating.  Then focus on our solution and a couple of instances where our solution has led to positive outcomes.  As we train ourselves to make this part of our process, we’ll be pleasantly surprised to find this easier and easier to accomplish.

About the author: this post was written by Forrest McDonald.

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For more tips on relieving emotional pain from the past please visit our Emotional Wellness Page or click on this link http://www.celestialhealing.net/emotional_stress_therapy.htm

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5 Ways You Can Reduce Your Cancer Risk

Cancer is one of the leading killers among women after cardiovascular related incidents. Many of the cancers diagnosed can be prevented through very simple lifestyle changes. Here are five easy ways that you can begin to reduce your cancer risk today!

 

Keep Your Weight In a Healthy Range
Sometimes when we’re at the doctor’s office and we look at ‘ideal’ weights, it can be a bit discouraging because you may not necessarily fall into that range even though you are leading an active lifestyle. Instead, focus on having a Body Mass Index (BMI) between 18.5 and 24.9. Anything above 24.9 can result in hormone fluctuations and insulin markers that can trigger cancers in the body.

Watch How Much You Consume Alcohol
Too much alcohol can result in an increased risk of both breast and colon cancers in women. The alcohol triggers hormonal changes and can lead to poor nutrient absorption in the colon. Keep your intake of alcoholic beverages to just one a day to avoid these complications.

Exercise!
Cancer hates nothing more than an active lifestyle. The American Cancer Society says that exercise alone can decrease your chances of colon cancer by 30%. Their suggestion is at least 30 minutes a day; five days a week to reap the cancer fighting rewards.

Eat As Little Processed Food As Possible
The chemicals used in today’s food processing can trigger hormonal and digestive responses in the body as well as the processed food tends to lack important nutrients needed to keep your healthy. Aim to eat as fresh and natural as possible to avoid these chemicals and hormones, and get all of the nutrients your body needs.

Quit Smoking!
According to The American Cancer Society, over 30% of deaths from cancer related illnesses are cigarette smoking related. Not just lung cancer, but bladder, kidney, mouth, esophageal, and other cancers are related to cigarette smoking. But if you make the commitment to quit today, your cancer risk will be cut in half in as little as ten years.

So there you have it. By making these five lifestyle changes you can start today, your chances of getting cancer are greatly reduced. When you think about it, seems pretty minor to make these little adjustments to give you a better quality of life for many years to come. Personally, I have some risk factors for certain cancers in my family, so when I heard that there were simple things I could do to minimize my risk, I jumped at the chance to give them a try. Which one are you going to try first?

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